I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
