so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
