yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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