I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
