I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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