we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
