Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My vagina is officially offended.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
