this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
