I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
