lets start a swedish sibling band together
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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