Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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