I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
