wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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