My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
