evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
