So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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