The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
