You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
