girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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