I will die if light touches me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
