Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
