remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
