Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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