He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
