Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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