I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
