Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
