I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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