Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
