I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
