yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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