just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
