oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
