I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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