New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's rum buckets o'clock
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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