I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
