ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
