Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
