She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
