I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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