My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
