I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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