Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
