It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
