There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
