dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
