Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
