Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
