just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
