Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
